Narratives of Desire, Love, Imagination, and Fluidity: Becoming an English Teacher in a University Preparation Program

This is a narrative study into the co-construction of teaching identities narrated by twenty-four undergraduate students in the context of an English language teacher education program in Argentina. Teacher identities are defined in the literature as co-authored stories of living and becoming. Our method uses narrative inquiry to study lived experiences as co-narrated phenomena. The narrative analysis of different texts gathered in the teacher education program allowed the co-composition of each participant’s identity story. Results first display thematizations of identity strands in these narratives involving emotions—love, desire, imagination, and fluidity. Next, participants’ negotiation of their processes of becoming through these emotions are retold. The discussion examines results considering state-of-the-art literature. The conclusions summarize the implications of the research for English language teacher initial university education.


Introduction
This paper presents a narrative inquiry into the co-construction of future English language (EL) teacher identities narrated by twenty-four undergraduate students attending an Argentinian EL teacher education program. Its research question concerns how participants' narratives (re)negotiate their meanings of becoming EL teachers.
We undertook this study in our under-researched national context because EL teacher identity construction has acquired global relevance in formation programs, signaling professional interest in the process of learning to be teachers (Pinnegar & Hamilton, 2015). We are committed to a narrative definition of identity as co-authored stories to live by (Clandinin & Huber, 2005). Thus, we believe that, at the core of teacher narrative identity, emotions play key roles in cognition and action (Golombek & Doran, 2014).
Our research methodology is narrative inquiry, which embraces lived experiences as co-narrated phenomena and is dedicated to an ethics of care (Clandinin, 2013). Accordingly, the narrative analysis of the twenty-four undergraduates' stories gathered in the ETEP (English teacher education program) allowed the co-composition of individual narratives with participants. We saw four different meanings of being EL teachers during initial education that emerged from our thematization of throughlines in these co-authored stories. They involved desire, love, imagination, and fluidity. Then, we needed to interweave participants' voices to retell how they (re)negotiated their processes of becoming, knowing, and doing through their love, desire, imagination, and fluidity.
Our inquiry allowed us to resignify our thematizations and renegotiations by considering the literature and to co-create experiential transformative knowledge in the ETEP as participants generated personal and professional insights through their narratives.
Accordingly, we explored some core issues in EL teacher education that should be addressed in our milieu as they bear key implications for the profession.

EL Teacher Education in Argentina
Argentinian EL teacher education originated in 1904 when the first EL tertiary level state teacher education program was founded in Buenos Aires city. Originally aimed at enhancing secondary schoolteachers' language development following near native-speaker standards, Argentinian EL teacher education has faced tensions concerning its knowledge base, which has tended to emphasize linguistic skills at the expense of disciplinary content and pedagogy. It is divided into two higher education spheres: one comprising mostly state and sometimes private universities, and the other including state or private non-university teacher education institutes (Banfi, 2013).
Most Argentinian EL teacher education programs do not administer selective entry tests, since these are banned by federal and provincial legislation. However, their instructors demand high initial levels of linguistic proficiency corresponding to Level C1 in the Common European Framework of Reference for Languages. Thus, most first-year students are supposed to have acquired English through prolonged tuition at private schools or academies (British Council, 2015). On the one hand, this unofficial prerequisite results in dropout and attrition rates and graduation slowdown for those lacking expected entry levels. On the other hand, this means that graduate English teachers are highly qualified. Currently, there are not enough certified EL instructors when English became compulsory in primary curricula in the 1990s-after having been introduced in secondary education during the second half of the nineteenth century (Porto, 2016 al mediation, research and academic writing practices, and digital literacy. Most teacher education programs nationwide need to articulate their curricula to cover these foci (Banegas, 2014).

Literature Review
Language is a complex repertoire of resources deployed for communication and identity construction, which is located in language as social, relational, and processual. Likewise, it is expressed in language because, when people represent themselves and others, they are performing ways of belonging and interpreting their expressions since "at least some language users, at least some of the time, hold passionate beliefs about the importance and significance of a particular language to their sense of 'identity'" (Creese & Blackledge, 2015, p. 25). Multilingual speakers decide who they want to be by choosing relevant language practices, including self-representations, plus the shaping power of the educational contexts where those representations are enacted.
Over ten years ago, Varghese, Morgan, Johnston, and Johnson (2005) advocated paradigmatic dialogues and the use of multiple approaches to identity, among which they included narrative ways of knowing.
They identified two ways of theorizing on EL teacher identification. One concerned classroom practices and beliefs (Johnson, 1992). The other addressed social, cultural and political dimensions of teaching (Norton, 1997). ELT has regarded identity as multiple, fluctuating, struggling, and discursively co-constructed and negotiated in social, cultural, and political contexts. Concurrently, Sfard and Prusak (2005) likened its building to story-telling. Defining identities as stories, they found an operational conceptualization, since narratives reify when identity takes the form of a temporally emplotted story (McAdams, 2018).
Identity as stories suggests that it is linked to knowledge and context and thus can be "understood narratively." Teachers are "living stories on storied landscapes." Their identities are "interwoven with the lives they live and the contexts in which they compose them." A "teacher's identity is… the unique embodiment of his/her stories to live by, stories shaped by the landscapes past and present in which s/he lives and works" (Clandinin & Huber, 2005, p. 44).

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Narrative research considers stories as reflections, makers, composers, and "sources for theorizing and exploring" it (Spector-Mersel, 2011, p. 173). This focus indicates a "shift" in teacher education "from the concept of 'learning' to the concept of identity development" (Meijer, 2017, p. 210).
These construction processes are sustained by the notion of becoming within educational contexts through linguistic negotiationsstruggling to represent what the experiences of coming to be a teacher mean. Therefore, identity relates to living, telling, retelling, and reliving these negotiations (Huber, Caine, Huber, & Steeves, 2013). In this sense, becoming is more constructive than simply being (Orland-Barak, 2016).
It is a unique, emerging, dynamic, and creative process.
Teacher identity building is pertinent to research, teaching, policies, and teacher education and development (Varghese, Motha, Trent, Park, & Reeves, 2016). Ecological perspectives stress its negotiated, co-composed, and co-constructed nature (Edwards & Burns, 2016). Furthermore, The Modern Language Journal's supplement on "Transdisciplinarity and language teacher identity" (Costa & Norton, 2017) connected EL teacher education to good language teaching by drawing on the Douglas Fir Group paper (2016), stating that language learning encompasses socio-political, institutional, and personal self-construction, which can be studied by thematic transdisciplinary dialogues.
Relevant articles from South America remain scarce in the literature (Norton, 2016a). Surveying developments in pedagogical and research areas during TESOL Quarterly's history, Canagarajah (2016) observed the rarity of contributions from this area. In their summary on Argentinian ELT during 2007-2013, Porto, Montemayor-Borsinger, and López-Barrios (2016) introduced the first review ever published from a Latin American country. They examined eighty-eight articles in peer-reviewed conference proceedings, academic journals in English and Spanish, and one edited collection. They considered this research was "high-quality situated" (p. 356), covering affect, interculturality, teacher education and development, CLIL, CALL, ESP and EAP, and evaluation, materials design, and educational experiences.
One exception is Initial English language teacher education: International perspectives on research, curriculum and practice (Banegas, 2017) (Salinas & Ayala, 2018) addresses the case of two Chilean EFL student-teachers' identity development. Results indicate that interactions in the learning environment and during the practicum changed self-images and were dealt with by problem solving, adaptation, and negotiation.
Becoming and knowing relate to feeling (Mercer, Oberdorfer, & Saleem, 2016). Teachers engage cognitively, affectively, and relationally telling negotiated visions of their knowledge and emotions concerning their professional development. Emotion involves "socially constructed, personally enacted ways of being that emerge from conscious and/or unconscious judgments regarding perceived successes attaining goals or maintaining standards or beliefs during transactions as part of social-historical contexts" (Schutz, Hong, Cross, & Osbon, 2006, p. 344, authors' italics). Emotions are key components of professional identity as they lie at the core of the sense attributed to turning into a teacher (Chen, 2016;Shapiro, 2010). They draw on interdisciplinarity concerning the mind and the body, the personal, and the social. Thus, feelings and becomings are included in teacher identification development, underscoring interaction between emotions, cognition, and activity (Golombek & Doran, 2014).

Method
The research methodology is narrative inquiry, embracing "narrative as both the method and the phenomena of study." It delves into "experience as expressed in lived and told stories." Thus, "narrative inquiry involves the reconstruction of a person's experience" (Pinnegar & Daynes, 2007, p. 5) exploring it as stories lived, told, retold, and relived (Clandinin, 2013).
This paper summarizes a narrative inquiry carried out by the authors. The participants were twenty-four undergraduates attending a sophomore EL skills subject in an Argentinian ETEP, taught at the The participants' biographical data is summarized below in Table 1.
During one semester, the authors gathered the participants' home-written and in-class retold narratives. They were observers inside those classes where stories were told orally. These sessions were led by the assistant professor of the subject. Since the authors are professors in the ETEP, they followed ethical procedures by requesting, obtaining, and renewing the students' informed consent. Likewise, they observed relational ethics (Clandinin & Murphy, 2009), involving consideration for students' privacy and stories, shielding them from undue researcher-participant asymmetries, and rendering inquiry actions transparent.
Instruments for gathering the oral and written narratives were  Source: Own elaboration.

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and narrative inquiry into teacher education (Clandinin, 2013). Narratives' topics centered on participants' experiences concerning: the stories read, watched, and listened to; school and linguistic autobiographies; greatest teachers and real life-heroes; lives' turning points, greatest challenges, and wisest academic decisions; and self-identification.
When the semester ended, the authors kept in touch with participants individually or in groups, via face-to-face or virtual interactions.
Through these encounters we, authors and participants, co-composed individual narratives and engaged in member-reflection (Tracy, 2010).
Each of the twenty-four narratives co-composed by the authors and the participants was emplotted by interweaving the following: 1. A quote excerpted from one of the participant's narratives, serving as throughline of the co-authored story.
2. Chosen pseudonym and reason for this option.
3. Date and place of birth.
4. Primary and secondary school autobiography, intertwined with linguistic autobiography, self-identification essay, best teacher narratives, and greatest challenge overcome.

University autobiography considering reasons for joining ETEP,
year of entry, number of courses taken, GPA, general trajectory, life's turning point, and wisest academic decision.
The twenty-four co-composed narratives embody ways of understanding and thematizing processes of turning into EL teachers (Kim, 2015). The verb "to narrate" is rooted in the Latin gnoscere, i.e., to know (Van Manen, 1990). Narrative analysis agrees with the principles of narrative inquiry during which researchers and participants engage in the co-construction and renegotiation of stories' meaning (Cortazzi, 2001

Results
Since it is impossible to present the twenty-four co-authored narratives, we present "snippets" of participants' words providing throughlines into their identity constructions (Craig, 2017). These offer a "preview" of these processes and allow for the interweaving and thematization of emerging teacher identities.

Narrative thematizations of desire, love, imagination, and transit
We thematize participants' identities by quoting throughlines retrieved from their individual narratives co-composed with the authors, as we co-emplotted the texts listed in the design. These guiding threads suggest that constructing future teacher identities engages the whole person in the negotiation of committing to this never-ending process of coming to be a teacher (Gale & Parker, 2014). These routes can involve desire, love, imagination, and fluid transits.
First, as regards desire, there are participants who long (Zembylas, 2007) to graduate as English teachers within a near future, expressing their desire as follows: Tute: "I want to feel the wonderful pride that one is sure to enjoy when introducing oneself as a professional English teacher." The second thematization involves love, when participants verbalize their passion (Ramezanzadeh, Adel, & Zareian, 2016) for the English language and for teaching, with the following expressions: Cas: "I love languages and I like the idea of sharing knowledge with others." Grian: "I love English and I really enjoy learning more about the language and the culture. At first I wasn't really interested in teaching but after a while I found out I loved it." The third theme embodies imagination. Some participants envision their teacher identities as a process they will accomplish in the future (Norton, 2016b). In their own words: Emma: "I had to work extremely hard and retake several subjects. Even though I am still going through this complex process, I think this is the way to achieve my goal: becoming an English teacher." Fátima: "I have convinced myself that I am going to try hard, even though it takes me three times more than the time it is supposed to take." James Nicholas White: "Not everyone can get to be a funny or likeable teacher, but with enough hard work and planning I am certain that anyone can find his/her own style and become a great teacher." Finally, the remaining participants navigate a fluid transit towards graduating as English teachers: the starting point is blurred while the finish line remains undetermined (Giroir, 2014): Ant: "I strongly believe that challenges are opportunities based on decisions and that, once we take them, we embark on a journey with plenty of emotions and uncertainties that will mark our future lives." Lily: "I am happy with who I am now. I will continue to move forward and, step by step, I will become the person I dream of being, no matter how long it takes." Maggie: "I am studying something that does not fulfil me a hundred per cent but it paves the way to accomplish my final goal. I am sure I will overcome it, as I want to keep on studying to become an interpreter." Unnamed: "I do not know what the future holds for me, but I am certainly happy with the prospect my decision of entering the ETEP gave me." Concisely, these narratives of desire, love, imagination, and fluidity suggest that, on the one hand, some participants are sustained by their emotions to commit to the program and to follow a relatively direct route. On the other hand, there are those who grapple with their studies and with themselves before fully committing to their paths.

Becoming a teacher: being, knowing, and doing
Several participants stated that they see themselves as teachers. Some manifested their desire (Clara, Coty, Jo, and Marilyn) to graduate as teachers and some their love for the profession and the language (Married and Rose). Clara indicated that "to become a teacher we must not only graduate but also like what we do and feel that what we teach really touches our students." Coty explained that she works with "little kids" and this "is a dream come true… The call me 'teacher'… I feel I am a teacher." Jo works with adults and considered that "it's cool when forty-year old guys call you 'teacher.' They are interested and you can explore… cultural stuff. I enjoy what I do." Marilyn claimed that "I con-

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sider myself a teacher. I like it when I feel students really learn, understand, and get good grades." For his part, Married believed that "your students award your English teacher diploma." Next, Rose stated that: I consider myself a teacher… I have only coached and taught some microteaching experiences… but I transmitted knowledge to my students, not simply content but also strategies and values… I dealt with the usual challenges: having students who are not interested or who hold incredible potential but cannot achieve it.
The following set of participants (Cas, Grian, Fátima, and Tute) inhabit liminal, in-between, spaces. Cas loves teaching although she confessed that "I cannot identify myself as a teacher… I still see myself more as a student. I feel it's a question of time, of getting used to a different role." Grian also loves English and teaching. She considered that there exist teachers who simply work with or without a degree and professionals who engage in development. Fátima imagines graduating as a teacher and explained that: I have started working… But I don't know if I can consider myself a teacher. On the one hand, I do because I teach and transmit knowledge to my students helping them learn and doing my best. On the other hand, to be a "teacher" we must fulfill certain requisites (having a degree). It is also true that there are many teachers who hold a degree and don't deserve to be called teachers.
Tute longs to graduate and insightfully confessed: "I have long found myself in-between two worlds. As a teacher, I used to leave college and change roles in half an hour." He considered that a teacher simply teaches, while a professional exhibits a code of behavior.
The next participants are working as teachers. Some want to graduate (Rusa, Savannah, and Sheila); others imagine they will do so (Emma and Juana); and the rest love teaching (Polka Dots and Victoria). Lacking her teaching degree weighs on Rusa, who confessed that "I don't feel one hundred percent a teacher." Savannah explained that: I consider I am partly a teacher. I've never had my own course for a whole year. I feel I'm different from the rest. I haven't finished my course of study although I've met many teachers who hadn't graduated but their stance and their attitudes belonged to ['real'] teachers. I lack experience and self-confidence so I cannot call myself a teacher. Sheila never introduces herself as a teacher and admitted that "I have a thing about not having the degree." Polka indicated that being a teacher "involves enjoying the freedom to deviate from the curriculum to teach other stuff rather than rushing to fulfill the objectives imposed by the academic coordinators." Victoria works full-time at a private school and conceded that: "I have gained experience but I feel I am not a teacher one hundred per cent because I don't have a degree." Emma is a coach at her alma mater and felt shocked when addressed as "teacher" since she has "not graduated. Unnamed works at a theater complex. He is an avid and knowledgeable reader, movie watcher, and opera fan and singer. Sofía maintained that: There is a lot of stuff I will learn as I start teaching but I believe I still have to learn things that the course is going to teach me. I have a lot of respect for those teachers who have devoted themselves to their development so I don't feel comfortable calling myself a teacher.
Haven stated that "I am still not fully prepared to go out and teach." Finally, James expressed that "my jobs as a teacher have been few and far between so I cannot consider myself a teacher yet."

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Briefly, these interwoven narratives about future teachers' identities show complex plots. Although nobody has graduated yet, some already consider themselves teachers; others express an oxymoronic student-teacher nature; several participants differentiate between graduating as teachers from working as such; and the rest do not regard themselves as teachers since they lack the qualifications the degree bestows.

Discussion
We now reexamine our research question concerning how participants' narratives (re)negotiate the meanings of their becoming EL teachers.
The narrative threads we have interwoven address the particularities and generalities of narrative identities that tell about being oneself as another (Ricoeur, 1990).
These future teachers' identities will continue developing. Fluid identifications suggest these shifts: "I am happy with who I am now.
I will continue to move forward, and step by step, I will become the person I dream of being, no matter how long it takes" (Lily). These problematics of (be)coming and be(com)ing-coming (in)to be(ing) (Flores, 2017)-are captured by part of the title from a paper on student-teachers' narrative representations of attachment, "Narratives of 'doing, knowing, being, and becoming'" (Kearns & Hart, 2017). This sense of beginning to be, as part of emerging adults' identity construction processes (Arnett, 2014), was manifested during a personal exchange with Haven, who affirmed: "I'm 'adulting'." These processes involve doing and knowing. Our throughlines indicate that those who desire to be teachers also wish to graduate, make dreams come true, work, share, feel, introduce themselves, devote themselves to a task, and teach. In Jo's words: "Being an English teacher is what I want to do for the rest of my life." These wishes emerging from our narratives relate to a new focus in the literature concerning the co-construction and negotiation of desire as a powerful force in teaching and learning (Norton, 2016b). Those participants who love to teach also adore to marvel, answer questions, have an impact, transmit, be part of something, and experience. As Married revealed: "Today, we are both studying and working as English teachers, we love what we do and we are amazed at the things life has to offer." When exploring love, we agree with recent studies that relate it to learning (a discipline, knowledge, arts and crafts), to working, and to living (Mouton & Montijo, 2017).
Imagination also constructs possible teacher identities and has lately received attention in relevant studies (Cheung, Said, & Park, 2014). Participants who envision turning into English teachers also work, plan, find, achieve, try hard, persuade themselves, and graduate. We see that participants will not "turn into" teachers when receiving their diplomas. In the ETEP, their identities are co-formed by moral actions (Fenstermacher & Richardson, 2005) and by third parties' designations. Thus, "to become a teacher we must not only graduate but also like what we do and feel that what we teach really touches our students" (Clara). Other identities acknowledge their oxymoronic nature (Martínez-Arbelaiz, Correa-Gorospe, & Aberasturi-Apraiz, 2017), inhabiting "in-between two worlds" (Tute) as students and teachers.
Sometimes, lack of personal practical knowledge (Clandinin, 2015) is more restricting than the absence of a degree. Being a teacher "involves enjoying the freedom to deviate from the curriculum to teach other stuff rather than rushing to fulfill the objectives imposed by the UNIVERSIDAD DE LA SABANA DEPARTMENT OF FOREIGN LANGUAGES AND CULTURES academic coordinators" (Polka Dots). Briefly, these narratives retell processes involving co-compositions and re-negotiations of (future) teacher identities that exceed the confines of our ETEP classrooms.

Conclusions
These thematizations of desire, love, imagination, and fluidity contribute to narrative conceptualizations on EL teacher identity (Varghese, Motha, Trent, Park, & Reeves, 2016). Our inquiry relates to studies acknowledging the need for different theoretical and methodological perspectives to explore the multifariousness of teacher identity construction processes (Costa & Norton, 2017). Our contributions were achieved through the ontology and the epistemology of narrative inquiry that proffered narrative hospitality to our co-composed stories.
This suggests that "the possibility of one's own story to be hosted in another's words and in a different narrative is grounded in the possibility of each person to tell her or his own story in different terms" (Pierosara, 2011, p. 74). Hosting narratives means welcoming them to co-construct, co-compose, and re-negotiate their meanings for EL teacher education.
This narrative inquiry bears ontological, epistemological, and ethical implications for teacher education programs because identity joins emotions and knowledge since student-teachers are committed to becoming (or not) "a certain kind of teacher." In this sense, these processes of co-constructing, co-composing, and re-negotiating teacher identities constitute assets for teacher education programs and should be included as very important elements in EL teacher curriculum designs (Correa-Gorospe, Martínez-Arbelaiz, & Gutiérrez, 2014).
Finally, our inquiry has implications not only for teacher education but also for related professional development and research. Rising currents in these fields plead for a "critical conception" of different "identity theories" (Barahona, 2018, p. 7). These theories embrace reflection on social relationships that promote understanding of teacher education, development and research relevant to their own "glocal" contexts.